when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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