So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
