No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
