Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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