that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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