You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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