You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
