She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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