He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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