Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
