the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
