remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
