My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
