Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
