It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
