Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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