i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
