His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
