i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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