yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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