hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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