fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
