How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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