I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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