they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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