why didn't you poke me back
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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