Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
