Your tits are I can't wait for
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
