Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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