I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
