I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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