Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
