Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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