I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
