Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
