It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
