Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
