My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it because I queefed?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
