We're facebook friends in real life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Will exercising make me less horny?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
