3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can text with my tongue
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
