I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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