The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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