3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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