hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No subtext here. People are naked.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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