Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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