just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
bring money and cleavage
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
