someone threw a dead crab at me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
