Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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