never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
