What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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