Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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