I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
