No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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