I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
