Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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