OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
