I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
His nipple licking is glorious
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