she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
