As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
