last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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