I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
