whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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