dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
