oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
