one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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