My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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