You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
