Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
