ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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