when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
