I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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