so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
jump out the window naked night went bad
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