I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
